OLIVIA
09-23-2004, 03:45 PM
I hate chain letters thats why I thought this was pretty funny!
To all my friends and family, Thank you for making me safe, secure, blessed,
and wealthy by sending me your damn chain letters over the last *year.
Because of your concern:
* * * * ** I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.
* * * * ** I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since
the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under
God" on their cans.
* * * * ** I no longer drink anything out of a can
because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
* * * * * I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave
because it causes cancer.
* * * * * I no longer go to movies because I could sit
on a needle infected with *AIDS
* * * * ** I no longer check the coin return on pay
phones because I could get *pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
* * * * ** I no longer use cancer causing deodorants
even though I smell like a wet *dog on a hot day.
* * * * ** I no longer go to shopping malls because
someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.
* * * * ** I no longer receive packages from UPS or
FedEx since they are actually Al *Qaida in disguise.
* * * * ** I no longer shop at Target since they are
French and don't support our *American troops.
* * * * ** I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial
a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
* * * * * I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they
contain will turn me gay.
* * * * ** I no longer eat KFC because their chickens
are actually horrible mutant *freaks with no eyes or
feathers.
* * * * ** I no longer look at the opposite sex because
they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a
bathtub full of ice.
* * * * * I no longer have a cell phone *because I don't
want brain cancer.
* * * * * I no longer have any sneakers because I would
hate to see all those poor kids in the sweat shops overseas suffering
because I wanted a pair of Nike shoes.
* * * * ** I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
have their recipe.
* * * * ** I no longer worry about my soul because I
have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
* * * * * I no longer have any savings because I gave it
to a sick girl about to die in the hospital for the 1,000
,000,000th time.
* * * * ** I no longer have any money but that will
change once I receive the $18,624 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me
since I participated in their special e-mail program.
* * * * *I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for
looking out for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To all my friends and family, Thank you for making me safe, secure, blessed,
and wealthy by sending me your damn chain letters over the last *year.
Because of your concern:
* * * * ** I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.
* * * * ** I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since
the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under
God" on their cans.
* * * * ** I no longer drink anything out of a can
because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
* * * * * I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave
because it causes cancer.
* * * * * I no longer go to movies because I could sit
on a needle infected with *AIDS
* * * * ** I no longer check the coin return on pay
phones because I could get *pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
* * * * ** I no longer use cancer causing deodorants
even though I smell like a wet *dog on a hot day.
* * * * ** I no longer go to shopping malls because
someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.
* * * * ** I no longer receive packages from UPS or
FedEx since they are actually Al *Qaida in disguise.
* * * * ** I no longer shop at Target since they are
French and don't support our *American troops.
* * * * ** I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial
a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
* * * * * I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they
contain will turn me gay.
* * * * ** I no longer eat KFC because their chickens
are actually horrible mutant *freaks with no eyes or
feathers.
* * * * ** I no longer look at the opposite sex because
they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a
bathtub full of ice.
* * * * * I no longer have a cell phone *because I don't
want brain cancer.
* * * * * I no longer have any sneakers because I would
hate to see all those poor kids in the sweat shops overseas suffering
because I wanted a pair of Nike shoes.
* * * * ** I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
have their recipe.
* * * * ** I no longer worry about my soul because I
have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
* * * * * I no longer have any savings because I gave it
to a sick girl about to die in the hospital for the 1,000
,000,000th time.
* * * * ** I no longer have any money but that will
change once I receive the $18,624 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me
since I participated in their special e-mail program.
* * * * *I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for
looking out for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!