Nou Nou's Bloody Bloggy ;)

[SensationalNour]

Hello..

It is January 2nd, 2006 at 2:45 am and I can't sleep...I didn't have a very lovely day today...I didn't wake up early...I forgot to set my alarm on and I missed church...I slept in and I had work today...work wasn't all that fun...cause I had to close last night and I didn't leave 'till 11:30 pm...I ended up going to a family party with my parents and one of my brothers...it was an ok party...I felt really depressed because none of my friends were there and I felt so lonely...even though my family was with me...I still felt like a part of me was missing...my friends make up the other half of me...I wish they were there...and i've been sick all week...I haven't been doing so good...huge headaches and constantly wanting to faint...I have the flu...but I feel like it's a bit more then that...I feel like i'm emotionally hurt...I don't know why I feel this way...everytime i'm alone...I just start crying...I don't know why though...lately i've been working a lot and maybe i'm very exhausted but I wish everything can get better...I don't like feeling this way...no matter how happy I look...something inside me is always telling me to cry...

...within the past couple of days i've been trying to end many of my friendships...I just feel like everyone is out to do me harm and that I can't trust anyone...everytime I allow someone to get close with me...I end up getting betrayed...for some reason i'm the one that's always getting hurt...maybe it's because i'm always super nice to people and it makes them think that they have the right to treat me badly and take advantage of me...sometimes I feel like i'm the bad one...it's fairly odd how one day i'm full of joy and the other i'm in bed totally depressed...I don't know what to do...

...well i'm going to try to go to bed...maybe my mind will stop working so I won't have to keep thinking about all the wrong that's occuring in my life...that way I won't be in so much pain...i'm so exhausted of waking up every morning wishing I didn't wake up that morning...anyways


goodnight everyone, sweet dreams and don't let the Canadian monkeys bite

~Nour

[SensationalNour]

Hello...

It's January 3rd, 2006 at 1:35 pm and I just got on the computer couple minutes ago...yesterday was the worst day of my life...I went to visit my friend in Michigan...I took the tunnel bus and it comes every half hour untill 10 pm then it comes every hour and I didn't know so I had my friend drop me off at the tunnel bus stop at 11:20 pm cause I thought the bus was going to come at 11:30 pm...and apparently it's supposed to come at 12:10 am...oh man I was so terrified...my parents were calling me non stop and I didn't know what to do so I just turned my phone off and when I got across at 12:15 am I turned my phone back on and I had 9 voicemails...I was so scared that my parents were going to do something and were going to regret it in the future...so I took a cab home and then my best firend calls me and tells me my dad went to her house looking for me...I was so
frightened...the whole way home my phone wouldn't stop ringing...I didn't want to answer because I wouldn't know what to say to my parents..."hi mother, it's 12:30 am and i'm out in the streets"...seriously what do I say to my mother...I would never want to be in her position...she was probably worried to death...I felt dreadful...I wanted to breathe my last my breath or wake up and see that it was just a nightmare...I don't like to sadden my parents...it's not an awesome feeling...it indeed isn't...so I finally got home at 12:45 am and...let's just say that it was awful...I wish I my whole body was numb that way I wouldn't of gotten so hurt...anyways...I cried myself to bed....I woke up with my whole body so sore....my head is killing me...and I have work in two hours...I don't feel so good...I wish I can just fly away and not have to deal with all this sorrow and misery...I feel so weak...I really disappointed my parents...and I disobeyed them...how dare I do such a thing...I rather suffer then ever have my parents be so hurt..


...I don't want anyones pity...I don't want people messaging me telling me they know how I feel...cause noone does...noone knows how it feels waking up in my shoes...I didn't make a blog so people can feel bad for me and show me affection...I made it so I can let out my emotions...that's all I have to say for now...


have a lovely day

~~Nour~~

[SensationalNour]

Hello once again bloody bloggy...it's 12:20 Am on January 17, 2006 and I wanted to write something since I am feeling a lot better...well last night was amazing...the man of my dreams came to visit me all the way from Michigan...he took me to the Casino...I got to meet his family...and we spent a lot of time together...we went for a walk by the fountain outside of the casino...and I got to show him where I work and where the mall is...we drove around and...we kept looking in eachothers eyes...then we went out to eat...I had such a good time...it was so amazing...i've never felt so special in my life...he took such good care of me and I love him so much...but...when it was time for him and his family to leave...I couldn't say bye...I couldn't bare the thought of him leaving....awww...but I finally said goodbye...it's ok....we were talking on the phone untill 5 am in the morning...which was fun...but not for him...since he had work at 10 am...he kept falling asleep on the phone...I felt so bad but he just didn't wanna let go...and then i'm like...hunny it's ok you can go to bed...i'm sure i'll be ok for the rest of the night...he goes...are you sure sweetie...awww khatiyah...he got no sleep...but today he said to me "nou nou it was all worth it"....my heart melted

...well i'm kinda feeling better since the last time I wrote in my bloody bloggy...my life is beggining to pick up...and my head is starting to go above water...work is good....everything with the family has gotten better...and my friends are amazing....just the bloody school...is BLOODY! lol.... :love: :love: :oops: :oops:


...well today my mother decided to wake me up at 11 am...gosh I wanted to :bang: myself...it was awful...i'm still sleepy...I don't think I have been getting enough sleep lately...especially since I closed everynight last week...except Sunday...wow that was exhausting...well goodnight bloody bloggy...till next time...



~~Nour~~

[SensationalNour]

Hello Bloody Bloggy...last night I went downtown with my best friend Andra to Peppers...for chicken wings...12 cent chicken wings on Tuesdays...man those were some good chicken wings...I ate so much...I hate 14 chicken wings...and fries...with ranch...hehe...and then I saw my brother there...YAY!...hehe...Andra and I had to wait in the waiting list for over an hour so we decided to go next door to Juice Express which is like a argeela place thingy and a coffee shop...but they sell good drinks there, cheesecake and stuff like that... and we got these tropicals they are amazing...ok listen to this...you can one scoop of vanilla ice cream...you get to pick 3 fruits...and they slice the fruit and put it on top of the ice cream then ontop they fill it up with whipped cream and chocolate syrup....YUMMY!!...that was the best ever...and it wasn't that fattenning (yeah RIGHT!)....then I got home at 11 and I talked to Jack on the phone untill 2 am which is very early for us...but the back of his neck was hurting him all day and he didn't go anywhere...he had DAMARAT I think that's how you spell it but i'm not sure...and he couldn't move his neck...so I told him to go take a long hot shower and then put that vicks stuff on it and that other stuff that heals your muscle...and he did...and he felt much better and slept really good...i'm glad he is feeling better...

...it's a lovely day today...kinda chilli outside...I woke up at 12 and saw that there was a lot of snow outside...hmmm GGG I wonder what happened...hehe...it's another one of my days off at work...so i'm just sitting at home...drinking chai and making some music...I haven't ate anything today...i'm not sure what i'm craving...maybe i'll make some kuba hamith with extra lemondoozy...

...i've been looking for a second job everywhere...maybe a full time job...because a lot of problems have been occuring at my job lately...at little caesars...see in November our manager was replaced by a district supervisor who now runs our store..he brought over all his white crack head alcoholic friends to work with us from the other stores....and now they are over ruling...they all the sudden became co-managers...co-supervisors...managers...assistant managers and i've been there longer then all of them...wow...and all I am is a shift manager...how unfair...anyhoot...lately they've been trying to get me to quick or get me fired because i'm better then them...I get all the paper work done...I am always working...i'm never slacking off like them and they don't want themselves to look bad...especially that they don't want to work...and they get paid over $9 an hour...see they can get away with that because they are crack heads and alcoholics but since my supervisor loves me to death...he expects nothing but the best from me and if something goes wrong in the store...he can't blame his alcohol buddies...so he blames it on me...and lately I haven't been wanting to go to work...cause of them...they out rule me...and I'm always in my bubble at work....I don't talk to anyone...cause ever since my manager left...all my friends quit...there is only 3 of us left...me and 2 other people...because the supervisor gives them hell for everything...we can't breathe without getting in trouble...that's how bad it's gotten...and he wants all of us to quit...he just wants his friends there...he says that he doesn't trust anyone...and I was like "kiss my ass...i'm the best worker you'll ever have"....who comes in at 9 in the morning to clean the store because the idiots that closed the night before didn't clean...and when the store opens at 11 am...when he calls people in noone picks up the phone but me...cause none of them wanna come in unless they are schedualed...and when Nour wants a day off..she has to book it a month earlier...not a week earlier...I booked the meet and greet day off a month before....anyways....so i'm thinking about finding a full time job and quitting from little caesars or just working like 20 hours a week there...because i've had enough of this crap...and i'm sick of them treating me badly...cause they hate arabs...anyhoot...but I love that place...I don't know what to do...i'm still thinking about it...and we sold our gas station yesterday...so I can't work there anymore...man....hard decision...

well back to looking for jobs...good luck stephyy...I know how you feel....ufff..


buh bye bloody bloggy...'till next time..


~~Nour~~